We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
