the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
