i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
