It's Friday. Sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
