1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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