Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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