I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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