She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
