I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
