last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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