Well douche your snatch and let's go!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
