dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
