never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
