i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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