Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
