so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
