Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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