I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
