she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
