If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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