Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
