I want to make a zoo with you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
