Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
