ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
