And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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