"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
