so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize