just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
