So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
