nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
