btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
