I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
