I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
