he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
porn star boner night. come get it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
