the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
