I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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