moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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