Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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