does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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