I wish I could teleport
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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