Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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