I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
