I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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