I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
