his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
