i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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