i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
