My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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