You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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