It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
