i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would fuck him just for his dog
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
