There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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