i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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