Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
