Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
