Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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