I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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