the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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