he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
