why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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