guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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