How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
