i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
