okay pat passed out under dana's car
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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