I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
