6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
