Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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