My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
