dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
