I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
