can we get nightvision for the apartment?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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