my vag is so smooth its legendary
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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