you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
