i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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