Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
